I cannot believe that it has officially been one year since the day I said 'I Do' to the most incredible man on the entire earth. The last 365 days have flown by, full of unforgettable memories, laughs, tears and hugs. I have learned so many things about Joshua and about marriage over the course of a year that I narrowed down to a few major lessons.
Before I got married, I thought Joshua and I had this figured out. We had focused on our communication for quite awhile through our dating years so I thought that we would have it down by the time we were married, but I have never been so wrong. It's so easy to think that the other person knows exactly what you're thinking at any given moment. With that mindset, you find that they upset you a lot more because you figure they're doing it on purpose since they should know exactly what's going on in your mind. 9 times out of 10, they don't know what your expectations are or what you're thinking, and they don't mean to upset you. The more you communicate what's on your mind, the more likely things are to work out. A great example of this happened just last week. Joshua had left his clothes on the floor one day and I decided to bring it up to him. I didn't want him to think I was angry so I decided to go with a sarcastic approach so that it would seem less serious and so that he didn't feel like I was trying to attack him. Little did I know, Joshua does not respond well to sarcasm. He didn't tell me this until just a few days ago, but it was so important that he sat me down to tell me that. If he hadn't told me, I would've probably continued to approach him sarcastically, making him more upset. Though I wasn't trying to make him upset, I did. By sitting down and talking about it, he understood my expectations as far as clothes being on the floor, and I learned how to best talk with him about things like clothes on the floor and beyond.
2. Don't Sweat the Small Stuff
Let the little things go. At the end of a long day, tired and worn out, it's easy to let something insignificant come between both of you. Unless it is something that has been going on for quite some time and needs to be talked about, it isn't worth the fight. I learned to ask myself if this was a problem that I was still going to be upset over tomorrow. If not, let it go and move on. If I still thought it needed to be brought up, it was more effective to wait until the next morning when I wasn't in a bad mood and I could discuss something without becoming angry. However, as a general rule, I learned that getting angry over small things just wasn't worth it.
3. Be Their Support System
I have had some crazy ideas , goals and dreams over the course of a year. I think I have had three different ideas for a career after college, considered quitting college probably seven different times, wanted to try different jobs other than Starbucks, and have had quite a few hobbies start up and fall through over a year. However, throughout it all, Joshua was right there cheering me on, supporting me, and offering to help with these goals and dreams in any way possible. He probably knew in the back of his mind that half of these ideas would never work out, but he still supported all of them and that meant the world to me.
Being the person to stand beside them no matter the situation is key. Whether it be the best days, the worst days, the most realistic goals, or the craziest dreams, being their #1 supporter is so important. I can't tell you how many times I got frustrated and wanted to quit classes and Joshua said to me "If you want to quit, I will support you. I believe in you and I know you could finish school if you wanted to, but I support you know matter what you decide" and that was exactly what I needed from him.
4. You Cannot Find Fulfillment in Them
Especially during the first couple of months, it felt like Joshua was everything I could possibly need and more. As time went on I realized more and more that Joshua is not perfect (though he is as close to perfect as a person can get) and neither am I. Fulfillment can only be found in Jesus. Purpose can only be found in Jesus. I found that when I looked for those things in Joshua, I was let down because he is only human. My marriage is an image of the love Christ has for me, not an earthly replacement of it. Finding fulfillment and purpose in Christ allows me to experience Joshua's love for me more fully and love Joshua more fully.
I still have so much to learn and I can't wait for all of the experiences that will teach me new lessons to make me a better wife and have a more God-honoring marriage. I could brag about Joshua forever because he has made it so easy to be a wife. People told us that the first year is the hardest (which is kind of frustrating, like setting us up for disaster, though I see why they might want to warn us) but Joshua made it such an easy year. Though a lot of things were far from perfect, though many days ended in tears and many mornings started with them, Joshua made each day easy because of how hard he worked to make our marriage better everyday. I am so incredibly thankful for him and his dedication to Christ, to me and to our marriage.
Marriage is far from easy, but it's what you make of it. If you give into anger and sin, your marriage will reflect it. If you make an effort everyday to love each other, encourage one another and be kind to one another, marriage is fun and wonderful. I'm obviously no expert on marriage yet but I've learned this this much so far. This year has been incredible and I can't wait for so many more of them.
No comments:
Post a Comment