I Asked the Lord to Teach Me to Trust Him and He Took Me Seriously

At the beginning of the year I posted a blog about my "resolution", for lack of a better word, for the year of 2016. I decided that I was going to learn to trust God and asked Him to teach me. Near the end of 2015 I realized my complete lack of trust in my Heavenly Father. My stomach turned at the thought of how many times I tried to take care of things myself instead of letting Him put the pieces together. Despite knowing that He always had my best interest in mind,  I acted as if He couldn't possibly know what He was doing and pushed Him away only to be left in tears wondering why things weren't working out.

This year was going to be different. I started off the year by asking Him to make me put my trust in Him, to make me stop relying on myself and start relying on Him through the hard stuff. I knew He would do it, but I didn't know He would take me so seriously. Of course, thinking about it now as I type this, He obviously knew I would need something extreme to happen in order to get it through my stubborn head.

Thus began the year of 2016. January flew by without a hitch, but February hit us like a ton of bricks. Joshua lost his job that month. That was something completely foreign to me. No one I knew had ever lost a job, at least not to my knowledge, so I was lost on what to do, who to call or where to go. The second part of that problem was that I was only working part-time because I was still in school, and I wasn't able to get any more hours than I already had. For about two months we were living off of my 25 hours per week income where I made less per hour than Joshua had at his previous job. To top it off, we had several car issues that needed to be fixed immediately because it made it unsafe to drive. The cost of that was just over $400. Just before all of this happened, our puppy was sick and needed care that added up to almost $300. Those two major expenses combined with a handful of others, combined with the loss of our major income made for a huge financial burden.

All of this came within two weeks of each other. Joshua and I both held it together for as long as we could, but eventually all the tears came out. After a month or so, it got to the point where we had nothing left and I realized that this was my teaching moment. It took me a month to put it all together in my head but I finally understood that this was God taking my 2016 request seriously. He was teaching me to trust Him and rely on Him only. Each day we prayed, spent as little money as possible, paid the bills, applied for jobs, and left the rest up to Him. We took care of the things we were able to take care of and gave the rest to God. This daily cycle seemed never-ending and was emotionally exhausting.

After a couple of weeks, Joshua got an interview for an assistant manager position. We were both overly confident that he would get the job and all would be okay again. I don't know what Joshua was thinking that day, but I know I was feeling pretty darn good about myself. I thought to myself, "see, we've got it all taken care of! We're going to be just fine." A day or two after the interview, Joshua got the call that they went with someone else for the position. It was as if God was saying, "Nope, you haven't learned anything yet, so we're going to keep trying until you understand." God is funny isn't He?

Finally, after worrying for weeks, Joshua and I agreed that we needed to stop worrying, because worrying does not fix anything, We decided that we needed to remain faithful to God and He would take care of everything else. Not long after, we were presented with the option of a job that would provide everything we needed and more financially, but we would have to relocate. Not knowing whether it was right or not, we prayed and asked Him to show us what to do. Joshua applied for the job, not really expecting to get it, and we moved on. We decided that no matter what happened, we were going to be okay with it as long as God was honored in the end.

Around the beginning of April, we got the call that offered Joshua a position for the job he didn't think he would ever get. We were overjoyed but didn't want to rush into anything that wasn't right for us. We took a couple of days to pray about it, asking family and church family to pray for us too. Finally, with an overwhelming sense of peace and confidence, Joshua accepted the position and we are currently in the process of moving to Kansas City. This change is going to be scary but wonderful. God has put all the pieces together perfectly in order for the move to be successful and for Joshua and I to stay at peace. Everything is ready for the move, and we know that God is going to use this time to teach us even more about trusting Him, glorifying Him even in the darkest times, and bringing honor to His name even when (and especially when) we don't want to.

I was sitting in a coffee shop a few weeks ago, feeling anxious about all the details that needed to come together in less than a month, and I randomly opened my Bible to Matthew 6. Here we are told that God cares for even the birds and the lilies, and that He cares for us so much more. I realized that in those couple of months of having nothing left, we were never unable to pay a bill, were never in debt to anyone, and never owed the bank a single cent. Even when all I could see was the areas that were "lacking" in my life, God was holding me, taking care of the details. I cried thinking about my foolishness. How could I ever doubt Him when He has proven to be faithful to me every single day?

I'm not laying it all out like this for anyone to feel sorry for me or to think that I'm trying to make it sound worse than it really was. I don't tell you this story in hopes of looking praiseworthy for all that I did to make it out of the rut. I'm telling this story with all of the details for anyone who may find themselves in the same boat, struggling to trust God. Though it took me 20 years to finally get some sort of grasp on the fact that I can't do it alone, I'm so glad He is taking the time to teach me. Tell you what, it is so much more satisfying to watch things come together when you let God handle it than when you try to do it by yourself. God tells us in scripture that He will provide for our every need (even when what we think we needs and what God thinks we need are often two different things, but that's another post for another time). In Matthew chapter 6 it says that we shouldn't worry about the things of tomorrow, but rather fix our eyes on His Kingdom, living for His glory and not for our own comfort.

I know this is just the beginning of learning to trust God, that I will encounter many more struggles throughout my lifetime and that my life won't be perfect from here on out. God used the first few months of this year to equip me for even bigger trials in the future and for that reason, I am so grateful for the struggle we had to go through in order to be ready for when those trials come.

If you think about it, pray for Joshua and I as we make the move to Kansas City in just a couple of weeks. Pray that we will constantly be reminded of what we have already learned so far about trust, and that God will be glorified everyday throughout our time there. I hope that this will serve as an encouragement to anyone who is currently in a trial period. I urge you to not be angry with God as you go through it. My pastor, Mike Augsburger, had been preaching on Peter, talking about allowing the darkest times in our life to be a teaching period. Don't miss out on the opportunity to learn and grow closer to God. Stay hopeful, knowing that God promises to take care of you and see you out on the other side.

The Wedding Series: The Food and Cake

One of the questions I get asked most when talking about my wedding is whether or not I had food. There is a misconception that food is too expensive when it comes to having a wedding for as little money as possible. But I really wanted to have a meal at my wedding because there is nothing that brings people together more than food. During the planning stages, I could already picture my guests talking and getting to know one another around a table of delicious food, and I knew that I needed to find an inexpensive way to have a meal at my wedding.

I knew right away that catering was out. It's way too expensive. So, I began thinking of meals that wouldn't take too long to prep, but would still be something that at least most of my guests would enjoy. I settled on pasta, salad and bread. The pasta was set up against a wall in the room where people walked up to get it, and the salad and bread was kept at the tables.

One of the greatest things about your wedding day is that people around you want to help out in any way possible. Some women at my church that I have known and loved for years prepared and served the food at my wedding. Now, I paid them, but there are probably people in your life that would be willing to help in this area of your wedding day free of charge. Don't be afraid to ask, and if they do want to be paid for their work, it's guaranteed to be cheaper than a catering company, and the food will most likely taste better. :)

If your reception is later in the day, the food might be able to be prepared at home and transported to the reception area. It can be kept warm in dishes like the ones pictured above. Utilize your reception space if you can. If your venue has a kitchen and will allow you to use it, you can prepare or at least keep your food there until the time of the reception. Rallying together some family and friends to help make food for your day will save you a lot of money, and, like I said before, the food will be delicious. Choose food that can be made cheaply and easily, like pasta or some kind of baked dish.

My other food concern was the cake. I had my cake made by a bakery in a grocery chain here in the Midwest. I found some inspiration on Pinterest and they made it for less than $100. The main goal here was to get a cake for cheap and decorate it on my own.

The bakery made the actual cake, and I added on strawberries and Baby's Breath on my own, which would have cost about another $30 for them to add on. Not only did this save me money to use for something else, but I was able to make my cake look exactly how I wanted.
 
As for my guests, I wanted to do something a little different. Another idea I found on Pinterest (Pinterest will be your best wedding planning friend if you can't tell already) was a pie bar for the guests. I loved this idea because I could have all different kinds of pie to suit every guest. Plus, it was something I had never seen at a wedding before. My mom, grandma and aunt made all the pies the day before the wedding. This saved a lot of money on buying extra cake or cupcakes from the bakery. From what some of my guests told me, the pie as a hit and so was the food.  

If having food is still too much for your budget, or it isn't an important aspect of your reception for you, you can always just stick with desserts! You could have some kind of food bar that matches your theme. For example, if you have a wedding in the fall or winter, you could have a s'mores bar, a wedding in the summer could have an ice cream sundae bar or a popcorn bar. This way, you still have food that people will love and remember, but won't cost you a bunch of money. If you plan your wedding at a time of day that isn't around meal time, you don't have to worry about feeding them anyway!

However, if you're like I was, food is an important part of your big day. If that's you, using these tips will help you save money and keep your wedding under $2,000. I loved being able to have dinner at my wedding, and I loved that it didn't cost me very much to make it happen.

What Our Culture Won't Tell You About Porn

This post is written by a friend who has personally struggled with the issue of pornography. I asked her to write about this because she has such a heart and passion for people who have struggled or are currently struggling with the lie that is pornography. This is an issue that needs to be talked about more, especially among young women as it is stereotypically seen as a problem only men deal with.

 

I’m 17 years old, a junior in high school, enjoying a sleepover with my best friend. Girl talk leads to serious talk, which leads to her opening her computer. That night was my first exposure to pornography, and I’m sad to say it was far from my last. Thus began my struggle.

That’s why I’m writing this article, that’s why I care so much, it’s because I’m not looking at this struggle from somewhere on the other side of the playing field. I’m not disconnected from this battlefield. I don’t preach to you as someone inexperienced with the temptation. I’m here, fighting with you. Fighting for my purity and for my mind. I’m the reason I can promise you this isn’t just a guy’s issue anymore. I’m the reason I know that more people that you comprehend struggle with porn. Our motivations may be different than guys, but the struggle is the same. 

There are some things I want you to know, some costs I want you to count before you watch pornography. You can chalk this whole article up to my religious background, but I can tell you I’ve suffered non-religious consequences. 

1-- Porn is addicting. Once you start, you will not want to stop. Like other addictions it gives you an outlet for your pain, your boredom, or whatever else leads you into destructive behaviors. Before you know it, every time you feel a negative emotion you will be drawn to porn. 

2-- Your self-image will be damaged. You can’t stare at perfect women having perfect orgasms and expect it not to take a toll on how you see yourself. Watching porn is an open door to you not only objectifying other women, but objectifying yourself. You will see your every imperfection and you will forget to have grace for yourself. It will hurt, and some days it will make it hard for you to leave the house. If you’re watching porn, I can almost guarantee you struggle with body image. It feeds on your sense of worthlessness and threatens to consume you. 

2b-- Social anxiety will arise. Anxiety you never had before, and it’s closely tied with your growing insecurity. You’re afraid people will know or find out what you’re doing behind closed doors. You’ll analyze other women, you’ll barely be able to express yourself around them. You’ll become a shadow of who you know you can be, 

3-- Your tastes will develop and shock you. Porn by nature is a gateway, as you watch it, you’ll have to watch more to get the same high. It will have to be new and different to satisfy. Until the point that you shock yourself at what you watch. You’ll be ashamed, but desperate for a sense of relief. As you try to quit because you’re disgusted with yourself your stress will double, like an addict going through withdraw. 

This is a fight we as women cannot ignore any longer. I promise if you aren’t watching porn, someone close to you is deep in the struggle. Let us not close our eyes anymore and marginalize ourselves from the problem. It’s real and it’s here. I heard a quote once from a college professor that said “You’re only as sick as your darkest secrets” as long as you hide in the dark this addiction will always be on the verge of consuming you. It will drive you farther and farther until you barely recognize yourself. I urge you to find help, find someone you trust, and don’t allow this to steal your joy any longer. There is peace and healing to be found. Chase after the light!

Fight!

 

If you would like information about the author, please feel free to email me at m.mccaughey2@hotmail.com

 

If you would like more information about the effects and dangers of pornography use, please visit Fight the New Drug